Stop Settling for Breadcrumbs: Reclaim Your Birthright to Love
Have you ever found yourself settling for less than what you deserve? Accepting the smallest gestures, scraps of attention, or moments of kindness as if they’re all you’re worthy of? This is your wake-up call—your reminder to the inner child within you:
Your birthright is to be fully and completely loved.
Whoever convinced you that you needed to settle for less did not have the capacity to honor the splendor of who you truly are.
Repeat after me: What they offered me is not representative of what I deserve.
You don’t have to settle for breadcrumbs of love when you deserve the whole loaf.
The Emotional Desert: Recognizing the Pain of Neglect
The pain of neglect—often referred to as the "emotional desert" or "trauma of absence"—can be one of the hardest forms of pain to identify. Unlike visible wounds or dramatic events, this type of trauma is characterized by the void it leaves behind. Without a clear narrative to explain why it happened, many of us fill in the blanks, blaming ourselves for the absence of love, attention, or presence.
We create stories to make sense of the neglect, and these stories become the scripts we live by:
"If I ask for what I need, they will leave me."
"I take up too much space in this world."
"I will be accepted more if I stay quiet."
But here’s the truth: The absence of someone’s presence or ability to meet your needs says more about their capacity than it does about your worth. It’s often a reflection of their upbringing, generational patterns, or the lack of resources in their environment—not a reflection of your value.
You Don’t Have to Invalidate Your Needs
Stop telling yourself that your needs are too much or unimportant. You don’t have to invalidate your desires to:
Avoid conflict
Be nice
Please others
Prevent someone from leaving
Fit in
Be accepted or chosen
Feel loved
Every time you chase love or approval from others, you risk abandoning yourself. You may find yourself over-performing, over-giving, or contorting yourself into a version that you think others will approve of. But this self-abandonment only creates more pain, rupturing your sense of safety and boundaries.
Healing From Self-Abandonment
If you’ve ever chased love so hard that you lost yourself in the process, know that you’re not alone. This pattern of self-abandonment was likely a survival mechanism you learned. Honor it as part of your story, but recognize that you no longer need it to protect yourself.
Here are steps to reclaim your wholeness:
Embody Your Boundaries: Your boundaries are the container of you. Practice noticing when you start to breach your own boundaries in pursuit of others’ approval or love.
Recenter Yourself: When you find yourself fixated on someone else’s validation, pause and ask, “What do I need right now?” Bring your focus back to your own needs and desires.
Be Home to Yourself: To be truly met by others, you must first be present with yourself. Take time to reconnect with your authentic self, your needs, and your worth.
The Courage to Leave
In the Courage Co. community, when asked, “What is the most courageous thing you’ve ever done?” many people share that leaving a narcissistic relationship was their bravest act. If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse—especially the covert kind that’s difficult to recognize—know this:
You are not alone.
I’ve been there. I understand the pain, confusion, and self-doubt that can come from these relationships. But I also know that this pain can become the catalyst for profound healing and transformation.
You Are Magnificent
You are worthy of love that celebrates you, not diminishes you. Anything you’ve been told to the contrary is a reflection of someone else’s inability to see clearly—both themselves and you.
You don’t have to settle for less than you deserve. The journey back to yourself is the most courageous path you’ll ever take. And the love you’ve been searching for? It starts within you.
I’m so glad you’re here.
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